I recently saw an interview where a female celebrity spoke out about her ‘sex positive’ stance and how she would regularly encourage young girls to demand sexual gratification from their partners. Now to be fair, this was not the entirety of the interview and I do not believe that she was saying all young people should go out and have sex.
And while I take no issue with Ms. Celebrity’s right to have her say and to approach the matter however she chooses, or even her ideas on mutual gratification in a sexual relationship, I became very aware that as a parent I needed to be intimately involved in my child’s sex education. Especially since my position on the matter differs greatly from that of Ms. Celebrity.
Okay before you load the cannons; is mutual gratification in sex important…absolutely. But do I want to reduce my children’s experience with sex to merely a race to the finish line (so to speak)…absolutely, 100% no. (Side note: I do not think this was the intention of Ms. Celebrity in anyway)
So let me out myself, I am a Christian and I believe that sex should be experienced within the context of marriage and no experience has drawn me to that conclusion more than my own pre-marital engagements. Physically, sex before marriage worked as it should. No one abused me, or forced into these sexual situations. The truth is I was lost in sin and had no real connection with God at that time in my life so I made what I thought was an adult decision, I reasoned that I had waited well into adulthood and much longer than most of my peers. However, the totality of the experience left me unsure of who I was, or what I meant to another person. When I became a new Christian those old insecurities followed me into my dating relationship with my husband who was also a Christian. I had to re-learn that all relationships do not require that kind of levy and there are countless couples who take the stance to obey God’s will. And by God’s grace, we avoided this particular sin and were married.
So what does this have to do with my toddlers? Well firstly I truly believe that we provide for them an important model of Christian marriage and love. Not because we are perfect because head up, we are not! Yet even in our imperfection we can do so much. Even though my daughter is only 3, and my son is 2, they have the ability to perceive things well beyond their years. So if we argue and remain angry, we can see fear creep into them. My husband is much better than I am about settling arguments but we both know that what we do and say shows them what a marriage looks like and it is very important that our children see marriage as worthwhile and worthy of waiting for. So it is my hope that the way we relate to each other, has already given them a hopeful outlook on marriage and God’s plan for marriage.
We became parents after only 2 years of marriage, and then had babies back to back, so there was not a lot of time for ourselves and nothing can robs a couple of intimacy like having two babies back to back. We were ever so grateful for our children but we had our hands filled, we lacked sleep and we were frustrated. In spite of this my husband saw the importance of displaying appropriate acts of love openly in front of our kids. I am the kind of person that tends to dive head first into tackling this task or that task and I while I love my husband dearly, I can truly struggle to slow down and show random acts of affection. Realizing its importance, my husband goes above and beyond to show affection to me in ways that can teach our children. When my husband walks through the door and greets me with a hug and a kiss, our children are learning about sex, not the mechanics of it but its appropriateness.
You see as young as they are, they know that Daddy and I are married and that the way we hug and kiss each other is very different from how we would hug and kiss them or any other adult we may be friends with. Already they are seeing that there are some acts reserved for those who are married and share that special bond.
I appreciate that not every couple would share my traditional view regarding sex and that across the world people speak differently about sex. However, it is my desire to raise children for Christ. To raise children whose desire is to serve God with all that they have. I wish to spare my children the confusion and hurt that comes with premarital sex and like Ms. Celebrity, I also wish that my children, when they are married, enjoy a healthy, mutually satisfying sex life with their partners. However, our main difference is where that sex life begins. It is my prayer that my children do not engage in sex as teenagers or as young unmarried women and men and my advice to them would ALWAYS be to wait on God’s plan for their lives.
In the meantime, they can be silly, and studious, carefree and committed to a living life full of all that God has for them. And as they grow older, I will teach my children that God is not some angry kill joy wanting to deny them of anything. Instead, I will teach them that God created sex within marriage so that it can be enjoyed for such a time as that. We will talk earnestly about how to avoid temptation and I will teach them that even at their weakest moment, God has given them all that they need to walk away. I will comfort them as this decision to stand for Christ costs them first loves, popularity and anything else this world has to offer. And finally, should they fall, I will point them anew to Christ, the lover of their souls