A simple question posted in a support group I belong to that threw me back to 2014. There were so many songs that helped me get through my loses. Songs that made me cry harder than I ever cried before and songs that brought me comfort through it all. During the months that followed my miscarriages, every song seemed to remind me of my loss and to list them all would take too long. Also please know that I have no idea how long grief lasts and even today I still have moments of sadness that overwhelm me and my songs would reflect my particular faith and represent the things that bring me comfort. So here is a quick and dirty list of a few songs that were on repeat as I tried to find understanding in my grief.
*The song: Praise you in this storm by Casting Crowns
“And I’ll praise you in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For you are who you are
No matter where I am
And every tear I’ve cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm”
The take away: For a moment I was angry at God. I felt betrayed and deserted. Finding this song, reminded me that regardless of how I felt at the moment, God’s love was unchanging and even in the worst of pain, He was still worthy of all my praise.
*The Song: Gone too soon by Daughtry
“Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you
I’m always asking why this crazy world had to lose
Such a ray of light we never knew
Gone too soon, yeah
One thing is evident
Would’ve given all I had
Would’ve loved ya like no other”
The take away: Long after the loss, parents like me still ask these questions. Some may get answers, others never will but given the choice, we would love our babies with everything we have and that is something that comforts me immeasurably.
*The song: Held by Natalie Grant
“This is what
it means to be held
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held”
The take away: Two things: Firstly, I had survived an ordeal that many women do not. Pregnancy, miscarriage is a delicate thing that many women do not survive but I did. And secondly, at my lowest I felt God draw closer to me and my husband. We were held.
*The song: Trust in you by Lauren Daigle
“When You don’t move
I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters
I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers
As I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You”
The take away: Okay this one was a bit of a cheat because technically by the time I found this song, I was already pregnant with my rainbow baby BUT I was still going through the grieving process plus I had terrible anxiety about whether my new baby would survive or be okay. I was torn between the past and the future and would often get very confused about what I should be feeling.
Listening to these lyrics helped me to remember that even though this was not how I would have wanted motherhood to be like for me, I had to trust that God had a plan for me and my family. And 4 years later, I can testify that He did.
Bonus Song: Breathe by Sarah Beltran
I know you’re asking why
“Mommy, it’s alright you’ll see
Just look above
And feel my love And know
I’ll always be…I’ll always be
Where He will wipe every tear
From your eyes
He will wash every fear away
Dear mommy, know I’ll be here
Right in my Father’s hands
Mommy it’s ok….Mommy, it’s ok”
The take away: I found this song sometime last year and even though I am now a mother of 2, i am still grieving and it still brings a smile to my face, I mean who doesn’t want to think that their baby is safe and happy with God?
If I think about it, I could probably list hundreds more, but tell me, what are the songs that help you get through your difficult days, whatever they may be?