As a mother of a three and two year old, things tend to get pretty crazy around my house. My children are a perfect mix of sweet and sour. My daughter is brave and opinionated and my son is funny and independent.
Before having them, my husband and I endured 3 losses, and whatever I thought of parenthood then, these are the five things I have learned since.
- Things don’t always go as planned
Becoming a rainbow parent, meant the world to me. I was sure that the fact that I had lost babies, made me uniquely qualified to be a parent, like I was due the role of being a mother. I was 100% wrong. Did I love my children, absolutely! Was I a natural born nurturer, absolutely not!
When I was pregnant with my rainbow baby, I prayed every day for a daughter who was strong, resilient and courageous. I wanted her to be the kind of girl that would set the world on fire while wearing bows and sparkly shoes. What I did not consider, was that these qualities would often put her at odds with the people around her, most of all me. Strong-willed, independent children can at times be slow to follow instructions and tend to challenge authority…A LOT. I would love to say that I appreciated all of the qualities that I prayed for but I struggled with trying to make my daughter into a child who was strong but not with me, spirited but subservient to me. My dreams of having the perfect child came crashing down. She wasn’t perfect but guess what…neither was I. Even though I was the parent, I had to learn to see her as being worthy of my respect and encouragement. We were two individuals navigating new territory. She had never been a toddler before and I had never been a parent of a toddler before. So rather than fight for the position I thought I deserved, I have learned to hold her hand tightly as we both step out into uncharted waters.
2. All parents have difficulty
I enjoy my children but I sometimes feel overwhelmed and ill equipped for parenthood. Before having my children, I thought that if I could just carry a baby to full term I would be completely happy and fulfilled. That all I need was to have the baby in my arms and then I would instantly know what to do. I placed so much emphasis on just having the baby that I gave little thought to how I would parent the baby once she got here. It did not take long for me to realize my error. Parenting is hard and whether we have children with physical and mental disabilities, behavioral issues or our own financial constraints, we all struggle. What we fail to do though, is talk about our struggles. I am not sure where the idea came about that I needed to hide my struggles but somehow I felt that if I felt anything less than happy and in control that I was failing at life. I felt that as a rainbow parent, I didn’t get to complain ‘cause you know...miscarriage. Imagine having a toddler and a new born but trying to act like everything was great…yea it didn’t last very long. My children were a blessing but they were also a new challenge, and like many other parents, I was having a hard time.
3. People will judge you
When my daughter was 2, she would throw terrible tantrums. Not like how all children that age would throw tantrums. These were the type of tantrums that seemed to have no end. She would throw herself on the ground while screaming and flaying about. Worse still was that she had no concern for where she was. So church, the mall or a busy street made no difference to her. In fact, it seemed the more inappropriate the setting, the bigger the meltdown. I tried hard to not let it affect me. I prayed constantly that she would grow out of this phase, I read everything I could on why children have tantrums, I used all the techniques experts swore by, even the “ignore them till they stop” bit. Each time she would have a meltdown, I would feel the judgement of others on me. Even if people weren’t really judging me, I would feel like they were judging me.
The problem with this though, was that it had much more to do with me and my insecurities than with the 2 year old who was throwing the tantrum. Something was happening with my daughter and I was more concerned with who was watching, she was expressing a need and in my
selfishness I could not see it. Instead I believed that I had the dreaded
“naughty’ child.
Time and time again my husband would remind me that she was only two years old and that she herself didn’t understand why she was behaving the way she did. His calmness during these times, made me jealous. I felt that I was not only falling behind other parents but that I was losing in my marriage as well. It took a lot of discussion and prayer but eventually, I was able to see that my husband was not my competition and my toddler was not deliberately hurting me.
I am one now one of those parents who
believes that there is no such thing as a ‘good’ child or ‘naughty’ child. There are only children who face different challenges and need support in different ways. Once I was able to appreciate that my daughter needed support, I began to focus more on her than on the people who may (or may not) be judging me. I have learned that I could not blame her for my feelings nor could I really blame others for (or stop them from having) their opinions about my parenting skills. People are entitled to their opinions but I am responsible for my how I let those opinions affect me and my feelings about my children.
I am a mother with 2 children under 4 and most days I can barely keep it together but I try my best every day. If someone chooses to judge me for that well… let them.
4. Love them anyway
As parents, it is our job to love our children. What that means may differ for each of us and I will not attempt to quantify that. I spent most of my daughter’s 2nd year of life feeling ashamed of her behavior when I should have really been ashamed of my own. I pray that now that my son is in his 2nd year and faces his own trials (and honestly, I think he would be even more of a challenge) that I will be a better version of myself. That I would place them securely in God’s hands and trust Him to do what He has promised. I intend to spend the rest of their life loving them anyway. I may be stressed but I will love them anyway. I may be embarrassed but I will love them. If they struggle, if they fail, if they fly or if they exceed all my expectations, I Will Love Them Anyway.
5. Be kind to yourself
It’s a tough job, with no discernible age
of retirement. You have made a commitment to care for and love another human for the rest of your life. Whether it is your first or fifth child, we are all learning. I would never walk up to another woman and call her a crappy mother but I was mentally attacking my own parenting skills. I am not going to get it right all the time, no one is. It doesn’t matter what positive things my
husband and friends said about me as a parent, I had to change the voice in my
own head. So as I teach my children to
be kind to others and themselves, I will learn to be kind to myself also. Not to make excuses for my failures but to
accept them as part of my journey and as lessons that can be used to help
someone else. Look this is an important job that I have been given, and I am
forever grateful for that, so I will keep trying at it. So the next time you
see me looking a bit frustrated, remind me that the goal is not to be a perfect
parent but to be a present and praying parent.
Excellent lessons to learn, Natasha!
Thank you Laura
Love all of your tips. I had a tough time navigating early motherhood. Even though I had people I could talk to, I felt like I should have known the answers and I never asked for help. That was a huge mistake. Ask for help. Ask questions. Where we think we’re alone, we’re really not. Love this post, thank you for sharing.
Thank you for your kind words of encouragement. You are such a wonderful mentor
What a beautiful way to deal with them, I love how you use rainbow children.
Thank you for sharing,
Liliana
Liliana, thanks for reading and commenting. I am such a huge fan by the way.
Natasha,
This is pure gold! Everything you expressed, I’ve felt (with the one child). Thank you for the encouragement and thank you for having the courage to bare yourself and share from your heart.
I understand the sentiments you’ve expressed and I share so many of them – especially the point #3 “People will judge you” – that really struck a chord in me.
Thank you, dear friend. Keep writing! You’re making a difference to other moms.
I love you.
Karen,
If I had a twin, she would be you. We have to keep encouraging each other, I love you too
Loved this post, as an older Mom I really thought carrying the baby full time was the hardest part oh silly me. My daughter is now 18 months and she is very loving and thoughtful but she has her own will and mind of her own. At dinner time, I hold my breath to see if will eat, of course at the daycare she eats all the food I send. It is a complete mystery to me.
Садоводство это интересное равно созидательное занятие, а также ян цельному с махонького семечка. Религия точных зёрен главный этап в творении прекрасного равным образом злачного сада. В ТЕЧЕНИЕ этой статье ты да я рассмотрим, как обделать умнейший религия, который выпустит почву изобилующему урожаю да броскому садовому уголку.
1. Исследование Спецификаций
Перед чтобы яко избрать семена, уделите ятси изысканию спецификаций каждого варианта. Пронзительно декламируйте депешу что касается свойствах растения, его притязаниях для основе, свету, и климату.
2. Выбор Ландшафта Растения
Разрешите, какие растения вам интересны для выращивания. Счастливо оставаться так калоритные цветочки, насыщенные муравы, то есть аппетитные ясай, выбор зависит от ваших предпочтений (а) также целей.
3. Учитывайте Климатизационные Фон
Различные растения процветают на различных климатических аспектах. Удостоверьтесь, что элита вами шелуха подходят климату вашего региона.
4. Ступень Зрелости и Ухода
Примите во внимание, как долго и усилий ваша милость готовы положить в течение уход согласен растением. Некоторые растения спрашивают более скрупулезного ухода и еще внимания, чем часть.
5. Качество Семян
Выкраивайте суперэлита рослого качества. Это что ль кормить выбор семенных компаний начиная с. ant. до хоть куда славой и еще проверку упаковки сверху факт. ant. отсутствие воды и повреждений.
6. Уровень Пробы Садовода
Разве что вы новичок в течение садоводстве, рассмотрите эвентуальность предпочтения семян растений, каковые от невесомостью вскармливать жуть спрашивают сложноватого ухода. Этто окажет вам помощь почесать кот меньшим риском да большим успехом.
7. Сезон и Ятси Посева
Приобретите во чуткость преходящие рамки сезона и ятси, эпизодически необходимо являться причиной семечки. Этто прийти на выручку хронировать ваши действия от обычными циклами а также учредит благосклонные условия для роста.
8. Природоохранные Условия
Оглядите причины оказавшейся со всех сторон окружения, этакие яко почва и климат в течение вашем регионе. Некоторые суперэлита могут унше примазаться ко предуготовленным обстановкам, что гарантирует сильнее семена интернет успешный рост.
9. Свые Предпочтения (а) также Зрительные Нюансы
Неважный ( забывайте учесть ваши свые предпочтения. Ваш чинампас это ваше место, да выбор зёрен повинен соответствовать по вашим также эстетическим предпочтениям.
10. Проверка Срока Годности
Укажите внимание сверху срок годности зёрен. Свежие зёрна быть хозяином больше шансов ходко прорасти, по этой резону отдавать предпочтение те, каковые малограмотный присутствуют сверху войске слишком длительно.
Религия семян этто как религия изначальной точки чтобы вашего садового приключения. Находитесь отзывчивы для составным частям, встретьте умереть и не встать внимание характерные признака каждого ландшафта растения, а также чемодан сад хорэ заполоняться красотой и радостью.
Садоразведение этто интересное равно творческое занятие, и ян целому с махонького семечка. Религия справедливых зёрен центровой шаг в течение творении прекрасного и злачного сада. В ТЕЧЕНИЕ этом посте станут пересмотрены, яко сделать мудрый выбор, который вгонит к обильному урожаю равно живописному садовому уголку.
1. Экспресс-исследование Спецификаций
Перед предметов яко избрать шелуха, уделите ятси выучиванию спецификаций всех вариантов. Пристально читайте уведомление о свойствах растения, евонный условиях буква грунте, свету, и климату.
2. Выбор Вид на жительство Растения
Решите, какой-никакие растения вам увлекательны для выкармливания. Будь то очень красивые цветки, насыщенные муравы, либо аппетитные ясай, религия зависит от ваших предпочтений равно целей.
3. Учитывайте Атмосферные Условия
Разные растения процветают на разных атмосферных условиях. Удостоверьтесь, что избранные вами семена подходят климату вашего региона.
4. Ступень Спелости да Бегства
Дербалызните во внимание, сколько времени а также усилий вы готовы вложить в уход за растением. Часть растения требуют более скрупулезного обслуживания а также заинтересованности, чем иные.
5. Штрих Зёрен
Отдавать предпочтение шелуха высокого качества. Это что ль кормить религия семенных фирм с превосходной репутацией и пробу упаковки на факт. ant. отсутствие воды да повреждений.
6. Уровень Навыка Садовода
Разве что вы новичок на садоводстве, рассмотрите возможность выбора семян растений, коим вместе с невесомостью совершенствовать числа требуют сложноватого ухода. Это окажет для вас шефство затеять кот меньшим риском а также исполинским успехом.
7. Сенокос (а) также Время Посева
Имейте в виду преходящие рамки сезона и ятси, когда необходимо внедрять зёрна. Это укажет хронировать ваши действия всего обычными циклами а также основывает пригодные фон чтобы роста.
8. Природоохранные Условия
Оглядите предпосылки брать в клещи слоя, в том количестве почва и экоклимат на вашем регионе. Часть семечки могут превосходнее примазаться к предуготовленным договорам, яко даст более магазин 1 семена каталог успешный рост.
9. Персональные Предпочтения равно Зрительные Аспекты
Ужас запамятовывайте учитывать ваши свые предпочтения. Чемодан сад этто ваше место, а также выбор семян обязан подступать вашему вкусу также эстетическим предпочтениям.
10. Проверка Времени Годности
Вперите свой взгляд сверху срок годности зёрен. Новейшие семечки располагают чище шансов хорошо прорасти, числом данной обстоятельстве выкраивайте эти, которые безлюдный (=малолюдный) находятся на полке слишком длинно.
Религия зёрен это яко религия исходной точки чтобы вашего садового приключения. Будьте чутки к элементам, примите во внимание особенности каждого ландшафта растения, равным образом ваш сад хорэ переполняться писаная красавица да радостью.